Just this morning, I was abducted by evil aliens trying to take over the world!!! They broke into my bedroom through the window at 4:00 this morning, while everyone else was still asleep. They grabbed me from my bed, immobolized me with some kind of stunner, and then loaded me onto a hovercraft that was hovering outside my window. At that point the commotion woke up my brother, who came in to see what was happening. They stunned him, too, and then flew off to their mothership with me!
Once onboard, I was interrogated by their Supreme Overlord. He asked me all sorts of random questions -- how old I was, what my hobbies were, and so on. Just then, right in the middle of the interrogation, there was a fire drill on the mothership! I couldn't believe my luck. We all walked calmly but quickly from the Overlord's chambers, just as we had been taught to do. As we were all lining up so the alien fire chief could take our attendance, I spotted an escape pod right next to me! While the rest of the aliens were preoccupied, I dove into the pod and slapped the eject button. (I couldn't read the alien writing, so I just pressed the most prominent button, and it worked!)
By the time they noticed I was gone, I was already re-entering Earth's atmosphere. They shot at me a couple times with their laser cannons, but I was too far out of range. I had made it! I had escaped!
I landed in a field in Virginia. Sadly, I didn't know how to operate the parachute or reverse thrusters or any other landing equipment the pod might have, so it was quite a hard impact. The pod totally destroyed the surrounding field and an adjacent pod -- I hear you can see the crater from space!
So anyway, now I'm back safely, but I'm going to be tried for involuntary manslaughter on a massive scale. Too bad... I'll try to keep you updated on any new happenings.
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I had thought this post had gotten lost somehow, so I reposted a slightly different version -- basically, a truncated version. Now that the original post has magically reappeared, I deleted the new one. Here's what it said:
ReplyDeleteThis morning, at 4:00, aliens came to my bedroom and abducted me. They brought me up to their mothership, where I was interrogated by their Supreme Overlord. Fortunately, there was a fire drill, so while everyone was lining up so they could take attendance, I snuck away and found an escape pod. I couldn't read the alien writing, so I just pressed the most prominent button.
It worked! I jetted away from the mothership and back towards Earth. By the time they noticed I was gone, I was re-entering Earth's atmosphere. The shot at me a couple times, but I was too far away for their laser cannons to be effective.
I landed in a little field in Virginia. Sadly, I had no clue how to operate any landing equipment the pod might have had, so it was quite a bumpy landing. The impact obliterated both the field and a nearby town, so I'm going to be tried for massive involuntary manslaughter. Oh well -- I hear you can see the crater from space!